Day 1 of 7. 11292015

This may be a hard read. But I’m going to let it out. Call it my therapy if you will. Keep in mind I’m going back to the past- so this doesn’t reflect how I currently feel. I’m sure I’ll dive into that as well.
Day 1 out of 7 of my life completely fell apart (just to fall back together)  ((because that’s how life works, and Karma handles things better than I do))

November 29th, 2015.

We had been fighting a lot lately. You weren’t treating me the way you should. You were partying every chance and leaving me at home. You were being sneaky and deceitful. Later I found out I didn’t exist. Later I found out you had met someone else. Later I had found out that you just didn’t have the balls to tell me and you didn’t think of the consequences to your actions.

You had come home from work- it had been a crazy weekend because of you working retail and it being thanksgiving weekend. You basically had a mental breakdown; which I summed it up to feeling the guilt because you knew what you were doing wasn’t right but you didn’t know how to escape. (you’ve done this before when you cheated on me with two coworkers) and said you needed help, were going to the hospital, refused to have me go, and left. Nothing I said could have changed your mind or calmed you down or help the situation. I just made it worse it seemed.

What you don’t know is I drove to the hospital- 30 minutes away. And back home to make sure you had made it. I saw your car and with a sigh of relief drove the 30 minutes back home because I knew you didn’t want me there just didn’t know why. I was sincerely worried I’d see your car along the highway crashed into the guardrail.

You kept in close contact, face timing me and texting me till my eyes wouldn’t stay open anymore. So 2:30am ish. I woke up around 3:30am in a panic realizing I had fallen asleep, you had updated me that you were going to your parents- I didn’t  need to be there you were going to get some sleep there. They wanted you to start a program and you had to wait till 9am. I tried to convince you to let me come there just to be there with you, with no success.

I honestly can’t remember what we did with Eli that day, if you came back to take care of him but I worked a 16 hour shift. 8:30 am till 12am midnight. I used work as my distraction, and texted and called as much as I could. You said you didn’t want me to miss work or money especially since I was the one paying the bills and rent.

I came home, crawled into bed and bawled my eyes out till I fell asleep.  

Now what I know from what has happened that day.

She met you at the hospital, leaving her girlfriend in bed while she snuck out to met you, talked to you till your parents showed up/you called them. Couldn’t tell you what about or if anything physical happened. All I know was she was there.

What SHE didn’t know was her girlfriend followed her, because she was being sneaky and diecetful, lying and fighting all the time. And saw her in your car while you two were talking. Went back home and I’m sure crawled into bed and cried.
Looking back how I feel about it now?

I should’ve known from that first day that I would’ve survived the next 6 days. I was so strong to deal with that bullshit, and then work with the public in a call center for 16 hours the next day. Without having a full blown anxiety attack and leaving or going to the hospital myself a crazy crying mess.

Fast-forward to Nov 30th, 2016. To get me where I am now? I would do that day over and over again. The toughest times of my life, brought me to my happiest, and you best believe I am even stronger today than I was before.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s