I didn’t know what to do or think, all I knew was that you were spending the night at your moms. We didn’t talk much. I tried to give you space because that’s what you had communicated that you wanted, I let you know how I was there when you were ready to talk and I just wanted things to go back the way they were. Explained to you that I didn’t want to lose you, and how much I had loved you. We said our good nights and I love you’s. I promised you that if I got to sleep next to you again, I wouldn’t ever take it for granted. Cause that’s all I wanted, was you home. You replied you were sleeping at your mothers.
All I could do, all I knew what to do was picture happier times, and try to think positive thoughts. I knew how happy I was this day of this picture, and I’ve never taken a picture where you could see the happiness radiating from my face. I just wanted to feel that again. It had been months since I had been genuinely “happy” I was panicking deep down inside. My mind was a tornado going over 150mph thinking of all the possibilities of what the next days would bring. If there was a way to monitor my heart – it would be the first signs of heartbreak.
This was the day I worked the 16 hours and came home to an empty house for the first time since we moved in together -you did not come home to me.
Looking back now? You probably slept at your mothers house, maybe? She had kicked out her girlfriend already I think at this point, or started fighting to be able to do so. You probably filled your day with her, instead of me. You probably felt relieved. Now you didn’t have to lead your double life. But I guess you weren’t really thinking of consequences at this point?? I have no idea still. You probably don’t either if I’m being honest.